Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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