and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
