she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He did a backflip because drugs
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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