so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
