I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
