PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
