Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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