You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
