I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
