At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
