apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
