Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
