...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
