You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
