if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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