The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
