It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
