Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm passing your future prison.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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