He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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