your room smells of hookers.
And success
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just googled if crying burns calories
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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