just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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