I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
