ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
cat food counts as protein by the way
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Randomize
