Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
