I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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