I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
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You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
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I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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