every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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