i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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