One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
