Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
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And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
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I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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