Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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