There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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