Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.