I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
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True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
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I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering