Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.