im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea