Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!