I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.