Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”