just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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