well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
