I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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