i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
