I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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