the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
