I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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