I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
