Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
