So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
