I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
