watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
