I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
