The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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