dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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