well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
