Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
