Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
