I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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