she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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