She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
