So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
