so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
