Ambien. No doubt about it.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
