dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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