I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
