i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just cropdusted the office
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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