i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
