Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
