Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
