are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
