...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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