wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
