I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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