i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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