apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
