So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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